i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
