Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
