Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I could fuck to npr.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
