Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
