Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
