It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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