wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
