The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
