so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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