when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
