You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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