dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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