I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
