had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
