help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just tell him i said nine months
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
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Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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