I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
