I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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