So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
