It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
