It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
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i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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