It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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