you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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