my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
