I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls