and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
