sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
