I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
