i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
