OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
