I never want to see another naked old woman again.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
