I feel like abortions should bother me more
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
