i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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