love makes seman taste better
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How does one acquire holy water?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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