Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Is it penis luge time yet?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
