At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
