also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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