So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize