I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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