i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
