ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
