Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.