You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
