seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So here I am, sexting at work.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
