cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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