I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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