what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
