Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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