It was confusing and full of hummus
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
