Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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