just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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