does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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