I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
