Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
honey bunches of taint.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
