i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We need to get me chipped asap
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I woke up under a house in Key West
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