Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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