I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
