I must be too annoying 4 u.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
