Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.