I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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