I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
