The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
